You’d hoped this year might be different. After many weekends with your teen sitting at home while you watched other teens bound out the door and into their friends waiting cars you’d hope this year would be a fresh start. But instead, the social isolation seems worse than ever. You see your teen hanging around the house with no peers to hang out with, confide in, or just laugh with. Parenting lonely teens, atching them on the fringes at social gatherings, feels heartbreaking. Helping your teen overcome loneliness may become a primary goal in hopes of turning things around.
Alone Is Not Necessarily Lonely
When parents come to me with this concern, the first thing I do is ask “does your teen feel lonely? Or is that your perception?”
Often I hear “They have to be. They never get invited anywhere. I see my friends posting photos of their kids at large gatherings, going to dances or Friendsgiving celebrations.”
But, alone does not equate to loneliness. Plenty of introverted teens have told me it’s not not having found their people that bothers them, it’s how much it bothers their parents that they find stressful.
When this is the case, I have to remind parents that their vision of what high school “should” look like may be very different from their teens’ vision. Not everyone wants to go to the school dance, be in large groups or manage the rules of social engagement. It’s important to gently ask them “Are you happy hanging out on your own or would you prefer to have more friends to do things with or talk to?”
When Should I Leave It Alone?
If your teen is happy – or at least not sad, has interests that they pursue and engage in, they may be just fine. Even more so if they have one or two people they feel they can connect with when they feel a desire for some interaction outside of immediate family This suggests they are likely choosing to be alone but are not necessarily lonely. Chances are if they desire to have a social group, they will find like minded peers as they move into adulthood. It’s also important to remember, some people are just loners by nature. Just because this might make you feel unhappy or lonely doesn’t mean that is their same experience.
When Being Alone is Causing Loneliness
But what if this isn’t the case? What if you can tell – or they’ve told you directly – that they wish they had more social connections? For some, friendships aren’t just a nice bonus—they’re essential for mental health. If your teen wants, but is struggling to make or keep friends, don’t just hope it gets better on its own. There are ways you can support them in developing the skills to form meaningful connections. And remember, they don’t need a huge group—just one or two close friends can make all the difference.
Helping Your Teen Make Friends at School
For some teens—especially those with ADHD or executive function challenges—making friends isn’t always intuitive. Many people assume friendship happens naturally, but for some, it takes practice and guidance. Your teen needs a game plan, and that’s where you come in.
Friendships form through shared experiences and repeated interactions. Think about teammates bonding at practice or cast members connecting during rehearsals. Simply being around the same people regularly increases the chances of forming friendships. This even applies to virtual spaces—research shows that repeated exposure fosters familiarity and comfort, which makes conversations and connections easier.
That’s why participation is key. Encouraging your teen to get involved in activities—whether it’s sports, drama, gaming, or clubs—creates those natural opportunities for connection. Without engagement, making friends is much harder.
Of course, some teens resist getting involved because socializing isn’t easy for them. That’s where your role as a parent comes in: helping them find an activity they enjoy and supporting their efforts to stick with it.
Understanding How Teens Form Friendships
Teen social life often revolves around groups. A big part of growing up is learning to manage relationships independently. Teens typically want to figure things out on their own—until conflict arises. Many don’t yet have the skills to navigate social challenges, so when they come to you for help, be ready to listen.
Unlike in elementary school, where you could see their social interactions firsthand, teen friendships are mostly organized through text and social media. If your teen is struggling, you may not realize it until they’re excluded from a group chat or left out of plans. When they do open up, remember that you’re stepping into a conversation that’s already been happening. Your first job is to listen, not fix.
Social media is a major part of teen friendships. While it has its downsides, in today’s world it’s also where much of their socializing happens. If your teen struggles to make or maintain friendships, they may need help understanding social expectations in digital spaces—like responding to messages, initiating plans, and keeping up with conversations. Executive function challenges can make this even harder, so gentle reminders and strategies can help.
If you are adamantly against social media, discuss your reasons why and be ready to really listen if your teen says it’s negatively impacting their social life. I’ve seen parents become frustrated and offer to host non-screen related activities, but they are often missing the point. If your teens’ peers consider devices and social media to be the “club” where connection and building relationships take place, your teen may not be included in nuances that help them navigate social pitfalls.
Something as simple as an innocent “Hey is Jack coming tonight?” may be met with a stony stare if your teen wasn’t aware of the dramatic break-up that took place between Jane and Jack last evening. That and the extensive communication dissecting the break up, the rallying to support her and the agreement not to mention him and upset Jane further that took place via text.
Is My Teen’s Social Struggle a Red Flag?
Some teens naturally withdraw a bit around puberty, especially if they develop social anxiety. If your teen is concerned because they fear embarrassment or feel pressure to be perfect, that can be a typical part of adolescence. If they avoid socializing because of these feelings, it’s moving into a sign of anxiety—not just shyness.
It’s important to watch for signs to distinguish between normal social shifts and a deeper issue. If your teen has suddenly pulled away from friends and activities, it could signal depression or anxiety. Social skills coaching won’t be effective if there’s an underlying mental health concern. If you’re worried, consider seeking an evaluation from a mental health professional.
If bullying, being cut out of a group due to a disagreement or misunderstanding or other emotional distress isn’t the issue, here’s how you can help your teen build friendships:
Parenting Lonely Teens: 7 Ways to Navigate Their Journey
Don’t Rush to “Fix” It
Your instinct might be to jump in and make things better, but that can backfire. Instead, build trust by letting your teen open up at their own pace. This can be especially true if friendships are ending for natural reasons as interests and values change. Your teen may be experiencing a temporary shift and simply need a sounding board to process things as they connect with new friends more in alignment with who they are becoming..
Keep Communication Open
Teens aren’t always eager to talk, but staying calm and empathetic helps. If they vent about a social problem, listen fully before offering advice. Reflect back what you hear and ask open-ended questions to encourage more conversation. Ask if they are just looking to share so you know what is going on or if they would like suggestions. Respect their answer and if they ask for suggestions, start small and see how they receive your ideas. Don’t become offended if they say “you just don’t get it.” Just be there for them and let them know you are trying and are willing to listen more.
Identify the Root Cause
What’s getting in the way of friendships? Lack of social confidence? Difficulty reading social cues? Struggles with conversation skills? Having different interests than their peers? Getting overwhelmed in larger social scenes? Impatience with immature emotional games or activities? Understanding the obstacle is the first step to overcoming it. You teen may not be able to immediately identify what is going on, but often once they do it can inform a new way to approach finding meaningful connections.
Talk About Friendship
Help your teen think critically about friendships. What qualities do they value in a friend? How do their current friends make them feel? Do they understand the difference between friends and social acquaintances? Do they know how to express interest in moving from social acquaintance to new friend. Encourage them to seek out relationships that are supportive and reciprocal.
Encourage Activities (Without Forcing It)
Pushing an activity on your teen too hard can lead to resistance. Instead, suggest a few options and let your teen have a say. Don’t insist on an activity they don’t enjoy as being in a resentful or bad mood is unlikely to help them make friends.
Even one enjoyable activity a week can make a difference. If they find something they love, friendships will often follow. Be creative in the options and don’t limit them to activities connected to their school. Be open to letting them try the rowing club two towns over if your area does not have one or teens they have struggled to connect with run that club.
If logistics are a barrier, offer practical support—like driving them to events, offering to drive an acquaintance who is also interested in the same activity or allowing them to invite a new prospect to an event..
Acknowledge Their Efforts
Making friends takes courage, especially for teens who struggle socially. Praise their efforts, even if progress is slow or seemingly non-existent. Sometimes, they just need to hear you believe in them. Even if making friends is tough, remind them of their strengths and that they are not so unique that they will never find anyone with similar interests and values. It just may take time and a larger – or more specific pool that the one they are limited to for now.
Discuss Social Engagement
Teens learn from watching you. Talk about how you initiate conversations, resolve conflicts calmly, and maintain healthy social connections in your own life. Talk to them about what has gone right – and wrong with your efforts. Did you initially think you had a lot in common with your new neighbor only to find out that you had very different ways of engaging in your mutual interest? Tell the story. Be honest if it got in the way of a deeper friendship – and how you eventually found the friends you are close to.
The Bottom Line
Parenting lonely teens can have unique challenges. Working with them to provide skills, outlets and opportunities to make more connections can help them develop the confidence and skills they need to form meaningful friendships. And at the end of the day, knowing they have your unconditional love gives them the foundation they need to navigate these challenges and grow. And know that the adult years will provide new opportunities to connect with like-minded individuals and most likely, a more satisfying social circle.