The empty nest. Some moms fear it. Others embrace it. And some are caught off guard by how quickly it arrives. If you’re staring at an empty bedroom and wondering, “Now what?”—you’re not alone. And if you’re not quite there yet but see it coming, let’s talk about how the empty nest stage of life can be the start of something new—something fulfilling and exciting.
The First Big Identity Shift
Do you remember the day you became a mom? For many it was a combination of exhilarating, overwhelming, and a little bit terrifying. In an instant your world shifted. You went from just being “you” to “mom,” with a tiny human relying on you for everything. Overnight, your priorities transformed. Concert tickets and trendy restaurants were replaced by diaper bags and sleep schedules. Hot meals became a luxury, and showers felt like a rare treat.
The saying “the days are long but the years are short” took on a new meaning. One day they are gripping your fingers as they learn to walk. Then somehow you look up and they are gripping a steering wheel as you teach them to drive. Now you’ve watched them graduate and pursue their adult life – college, employment, crossing the country to pursue their dream – and you realize that once again a huge shift in your life once again.
The Second Big Shift
If the transition to an empty nest is hitting you hard, that’s okay. Many parents experience a deep sense of loss during this time, often referred to as “empty nest syndrome.” While it’s not a clinical diagnosis, it’s real, and it can be challenging. If you’re struggling, reach out—talk to a friend, seek support, or consider working with a therapist. While for some this shift comes easily, for others they may feel lost and no longer sure of their identity outside of “mom.”
Redefining Your Role
Motherhood never came with an instruction manual, yet you figured it out—juggling roles as caregiver, teacher, advocate, nurse, chef, and personal cheerleader. Now, your job description has changed. Your child is grown, making their own decisions (and, yes, their own mistakes). Your job now shifts to being a trusted guide when asked, a compassionate listener, and a steady source of love and encouragement.
Set Healthy Boundaries
Be prepared for shifting boundaries when your newly minted adult is spending time at home. Perhaps they are home for a longer season while going to local college, working and saving money, to navigate a career transition, or just a rest. Or maybe it’s just temporary visits while home for college or while transitioning between residences. No matter the reasons. , the relationship should and will change. They are adults – even when it very much does not feel like it.
Establish your expectations up front. Want them to show you the respect of letting you know if they are not coming back home for the evening – let them know this. Need them to take over more of the household chores such as vacuuming common areas, taking the recycling to the center once a week or helping with bigger house maintenance tasks when asked, make this clear up front. Expect them to pay rent? Make this clear ahead of time – how much and when. No rent but expect them to help with bills or groceries, again tell them how much and when.
If there are choices or lifestyles you simply cannot abide by, have a respectful conversation letting them know what is not allowed in your home. Let them know that just as they are adults now and can make their own choices about how they live their life, you also have the right to make choices about how you live yours. Agree to disagree and support them in whatever way you feel comfortable – from afar.
Rekindling Romance
For years, your relationship may have taken a backseat to parenting. Now, it’s time to rediscover each other. It might feel unfamiliar at first—like learning a new dance after years of choreographed chaos—but lean in. You may need to go back to basics – planning weekly date nights. Traveling or tackling a home project that you’ve been putting off forever together can also be a way to reconnect. Find ways to laugh, explore, and simply enjoy each other’s company again.
Rediscovering You
What have you put on hold for years? A career change? A creative pursuit? Learning a new skill? Maybe it’s time to travel, volunteer, or even start a new business. Whatever it is, give yourself permission to dream again. Pursuing these new independent goals not only gives you a new sense of identity and purpose, but can also benefit your relationship. Conversations on date night can include updates on these new endeavors and exploring new facets of your identity.
Owning Your Emotions
It’s ok to have moments of sadness, loneliness or jealousy when you see other mom’s on a walk with their teens. Let yourself feel these emotions. Look through old photos, reminisce, and express gratitude for those years. But don’t let sadness define your entire day. Set a hard stop time and shift your attention to something productive. Eventually you’ll find your sadness has shifted to nostalgia.
The Empty Nest Stage of Life
Looking at this stage with the wisdom you have developed over the years can help you embrace the potential it brings. What’s calling you? Writing? Music? A cause you’re passionate about? Politics? Travel? Personal growth? Whatever it is, step into it with the confidence you have earned from your years of growth.
While your nest may be empty, this next stage of life can be very full. Commit to having fun figuring out how you want to fill it.